How do I cope as an unpaid job seeker of more than 3 years?

Hello dear readers,job-seeker
First of all thank you for being on my radar and deciding to read a quick article about a very determined job seeker who has been extremely unlucky to say the least and has faced all the stigma and more even though I am not your stereoptypical UK benefit claimant who sits eating, drinking,smoking all day whatsoever and in fact can honestly say I ahev worked more than most basic employed people do alltheir life!This is not a negative or post psot but just something that might help others out there who may be struggling at the moment and need a little reminder they;re not alone however I am extremely angry even as I type this after yet another outburst of screaming, shouting, stressing, sabotaging, suffering, failing, praying etc amogst the of course constant applying, enquiring, phoning,emailing…in fatc this blog writing is actually a form of relaxation for me!
Just a quick background as to circumstances and my level of education and why i beleive formal employment is so important particularly for myself and for the meantime and future.
I am 20, was born and raised and still live in Lancashire UK and have never ventured or lived elsewhere and never been on a holiday or anything like that.Yes I do still rely on my parents but I am not a couch potato or any negative stigma attached to people over 2 still lving at home in the slightest.
When I left school I was in a very further difficult situation as I did not get the grades I had studied hard for and deserved. I went to college in 2012 but left after wasting 7 months there and left with no qualifications what a waste. Keep in mind I’d been applyign for apprenticeships and entry level jobs since age 16 so the unpaid job seeking was still already goign on among my other mad hours of daily research which still have not been rewarded but I keep the faith.I went to another college in 2013 and though I just about finished the level 2 course there I can;t say it was an enjoyable experiecne whatsoever and I got further bullied and taunted and rejected and rejected and failed etc. Despite my hellish experiences I enrolled at that college again because I passed the course decently in terms of the grades and as you have to in order to get onto the next level 3 course but I enrolled on a media and then a science course which for several reasosn out fo my control including cursed bullying etc I was not able to sat and had to withdraw.
Also know that I have contactedm attended open events and personal interviews at other colleges further afield not to mentioned countless training providers but for several reasons could not go to those either.So at this more local city college I’d only completed a full year in, I went back in September 2015 I enrolled again aonto a differnt course in Health but for even worse reasons even though Imuch preferred being in the adult class as for the most part peopel were slightly kinder and less nasty even though all the ladies and gentlemen were mothers and fathers whether it be from a young age or they were much more mature students.
None of this may makes sense to those of you who’ve had a pretty smooth easy going transition from school to college to Uni if you’re based in UK/school to middle school to whatever the next step is in other countries I am not 100% sure.
I felt compelled to get some of my thougts out there in the simplest way I know how at the moment which is blogging although I’m thinkign of also somehow making, editing and uplaoding a youtube videos speaking about similar topis in near future.
You would not beleive how unlucky I have been and not to mention how much precious time, money,effort,petrol,stress,energy,sleep,light,electricity,internet,regret, anger, confusion, begging, hurtingpraying, crying, writing, deleting, saving, typing, journalling, bus fares, applying, enquiring, waiting, emailing, phoning, tweeting, facebooking, browsing,reading,enquiring,embarassing,persisting,fighting,meditating,knowing,networking, asking,attending, accepting, talking,suffering, enduring,braving, existing and everything has been a tragic waste.
I nonetheless despite my inexplicable reality always ry my best and practice the highest level of gratitude ever like no other I know because een though I rightly complain for the undeserved suffering I am ultimately a humble sould who appreciates and recognizes and is very conscientious of the abundance of blessings and therefore I feel it is my duty to multiple times every second of every minute of every hours of every day give the highest level of thanks to god/universe/life.
In case any of you are interested in my journey from about age 10 to now aged 20, so like a summarised diary of events over 10 years, then do let me know as I am a very habitual writer and journal a lot every dya ut rare;y do I share it with others. However blogging is about building a community and maybe by sharing my experiences in an honest and raw way I could not only help others to deal with their own lives better but also improve my own.
I have literally unintentionally spent majority of my days for over 7 years screaming,slamming,shouting,stressing,suffering,overthinking,
I suppose if there was to be a moral of this story it’d be do not give up no matter who you are. where you are, how you are.
Thanks again for taking the tiem out of your day to read my post/s.
Hope it helps you somehow!
Also I have created a new Twitter and Youtube Channel called GeneralGrace too and would appreciate of you guys would check it out and leave suggestions, advice, questions as well as like,comment,subscribe etc!
Lots of love
GeneralGrace
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